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Monday, April 18, 2011

Overheard by a friend at school

This girl is riding a train and this guy going on about the white devil, and shouting about the cracker...
she looks around and she's the only Caucasian on the train... So she's gotta be the cracker, right? So he keeps going on about sending the white devil back to hell, and how oh it's okay b/c we've got Obama, and he's black, and we've got Kennedy and he's black b/c he got shot in the head and Clinton is black because of his sex scandal etc., and burn the white devil back to hell. So then she smells rubbing alcohol, and the floor is COVERED in it. So she's panicking, afraid that the crackhead is going to try to light her on fire.

But then he splashed alcohol on the guy behind him, and they got him to calm down enough that she could get up and get off the train.
Wow. Just wow.

Red line, 9pm

Riding the train home from class. There's some sort of soda bottle rolling around on the floor. A clearly homeless guy wanders over, dumps out the contents of the bottle, then puts it back on the floor, letting it roll around clearly, and soaking everyone's shoes.

April 16, noon, Red Line

Riding the train home from doing a favor from my friend, when a guy who had decided to perfume himself with a healthy dose of pot got on. Everyone moved away from him.

Red line, some point in the past

From my friend N,

Guy got off the train, then before the train moved away, he stared at me and pulled out his junk. Classy.

Red Line, couple of weeks ago, 9pm

Riding the L with a girl friend and a guy friend, talking about a guy friend who wasn't there. This old lady who kept bumping into me mumbled at us, and when we asked her what she said, she asked if he was our boyfriend and how we managed our career and personal life. I just stared at her until I got off the train.

More TFLN

(216):
let's bang
(773):
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

Belmont Stop last August, 7pm

I was going to meet friends for dinner, and just wanted to read my book in peace. Unfortunately, I answered some guy's question about the time, and then I got cornered into listening him talk about how I should join his Buddhist group. Unfortunately I have class during then, but if you're interested, his name is Rudolph, his phone number is 773-561-4234 ext. 613 and they meet on Tuesdays at 6:30 at 1155 S. Wabash.

Blue Line

From C:

I was riding the blue line home from class one day, when I saw a guy having an argument with himself... but in the style of Deb/Flo from Finding Nemo in the window. When the train came out of the tunnel, I heard him say "hey, where did you go?"

Belmont, Aug 2, noon

Guy sitting next to me on the platform is drinking a miller and not even trying to hide it. I approve.

TFLN

219: The  old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't  taste like cupcakes

July 27 3pm #70 Bus

A guy got on, carrying a paper plate of food - not just a bag of chips or anything, but a full paper plate of chicken and some green stuff that he was eating with a plastic fork. When he got on, the bus driver made a little fuss, but the guy sat down across from me and just kept eating his food. He nodded at me when I got off at the next stop, with my 12-pack of beer.

Oh yeah, the guy wasn't wearing a shirt - just a pair of red shorts and a baseball cap and flops.

April 29, 3pm #29 Bus

From a female friend:

I was sitting next to a guy and something was touching my leg. My bookbag was on my lap and I thought it was just his bag, so I crossed my leg to move it away, and whatever was touching me was still there. I lifted my bag up, saw that he was touching my thigh with two fingers, and said, "EXCUSE ME" really loudly to him. I didn't see his face, but he literally ran off the bus because we were stopped.

Addison Stop, April 27 2pm

From A:

I was riding the redline up to Addison to meet a friend for Coffee and this guy in some sort of workman's jumpsuit kept smelling my hair and inching closer. He smelled REALLY bad. I was contemplating moving but then he got off.

Brown Line

From N:

A lady sat down on my train with a bag full of kittens. I really wanted to ask her about them, but my stop was next.

April 13, 11pm Red Line

From L:
Two guys in white hoodies that say "guardian angles" and red berets are making sweeps of the train car. At every station, they get out, glance for something (trouble I'm guessing) and then get back on. It's somehow both unsettling and comforting. I think they're from a vigilante group.

Census Ad

"If we don't know how many people we have, how do we know how many brains we need?"

Two words: zombie apocalypse

March 30, 146 Bus 3:30 pm

Bus stopped at a light, and we see a homeless guy lying on the ground next to a bench, as if he had been on the bench at one point, but had fallen off.

March 28, 2pm Red Line

A homeless guy opens the door between cars and walks down the car, not saying anything or looking at anybody, but holding up a hair curler, still in the package, as if he's trying to entice someone to sell it. He got to the end of the car, and went through that door to maybe peddle his goods to other riders.

March 27, 3pm Red Line

My friends L and D were on the red line this afternoon

So we got on the L, and we sat down behind this person who's completely slumped over, head down beneath the seat slumped over. Then, across the aisle from her there's this, almost looking mentally retarded man, and he had this younger, also mentally challenged appearing person who's helping him with his things (he had bags and things, and was talking to him and it was weird). So this older guy is talking to the younger one, and how he studied all these different things like archaeology, including the Mayan ruins, like he actually went there, in college, and how it took him five years (real hard, five years) to graduate. So about this time the train stopped at the station, and we're told we'll be standing momentarily. And then the paramedics come - they have a specialized rolling chair with wheels but only on the back that reminded me of a furniture dolly because they hoisted the woman and slumped her in it. So now the older man is going on about how he's a Navy SEAL and veteran and fought in Vietnam and how Navy SEALs are the best and how he's the one that called it in, yup he's the one that called it in. So the middle paramedic just responds, yeah thanks for nothing.

So they cart the drugged woman away, and we go about another stop, and people leave the seats near the older man, the handicap reserved seats, and he puts his feet up. So now this family with like, two women and two kids get on and sit next to the crazy man's feet. And he's going on about how he's a Vietnam Vet and he has cellulitus and something else wrong with his feet and "touch my feet and I'll call the police! Go ahead try it and see what happens!" Then one of the women starts going off about how people think black people are crazy, but look at this man.

And he glared at me when I got off the train.

March 23, 2am Red Line

From my friend D:

My train finally came and I got on the car and it reeked of sh*t, and it just kept getting worse, so when the train got to the station, I ran to the next car. That car smelled fine until someone sh*t themselves. And then we had to sit for 3.5 minutes in the tunnel waiting for signal clearance and the smell kept getting worse. So we finally get to the next station, and I move to the third car. But basically then I was at my stop so I got off.

March 12, 9pm Brown Line Stop

Train FINALLY arrives and we all crowd to get on it. Guy comes out shakes his head says, "DO NOT get on this car." Peaked inside to see an ungodly amount of vomit on a couple seats, and decided that the next car, with the drunk and singing people, was a much better idea.

March 22, 9 pm

Text from my roommate:

"cta story. got on the bus. strong smell of urine. bus driver told me what seat not to sit in "b/c i think that lady" wave of arm to imply "peed in it"

Feb 5 10 pm #72 Bus

Male nurse had been tracking his mom and sister all around the city for sightseeing that day, just wanted to get home to sleep because he had to be up early to go care for some old folks at a nursing home. He said the first time he had been there, it was awful because he was helping an old woman wipe herself, but she kept pooping while his hand was there. Totally awesome conversation there.

March 14 5:30 #70 bus

Coming home, wearing all my St. Paddy's Day swag, a couple drunk people got on the bus. One guy decided that he was going to talk to me about his girlfriend's excellent planning of the bar crawl that they had been on, starting at 8am. Another girl who was with them said something like "don't bother her!" but her boyfriend said "don't worry about it, she's got rainbow colored socks on, she'll talk to him... right?" Which I totally would, and did.

Feb 1, 11 pm Blue Line

Just trying to get home after a ridiculously long day in the library, and a video game design major decided to be my friend. I'm pretty sure he had some weird tic, but he told me all about his lease, which apparently had been written on a napkin or something, and he was so excited because he didn't have to pay utilities, and his roommate, the landlord, couldn't do anything about kicking him out.

Jan 4, 6pm #22 bus

I was riding the bus, minding my own business, when all of a sudden there was a godawful smell. The bus driver pulled over, stood up and went to the back of the bus where she yelled at an old smelly man to get off the bus... apparently he pooped his pants. The gay guy sitting next to me said "oh wow I just thought some lady had a baby"

Feb 17 2am, Red Line

That night's new friend I met when I sat in front of him because he was playing the harmonica, which is just awesome. He was telling me his life story, about how he lived with his brother and when he got mad at his brother, he'd ride from one end of the red line to the other. He said that he used to be a coke addict, and was married, but his wife's family, esp. her sister, hated him, and he didn't meet his daughter until she was older (I think the day before her mother died, because he had a premonition). He had a grandbaby who was adorable, and was so happy he had a relationship with the daughter. He also said that he almost died (drowning?) two years ago.

When I got off at Clark and Division, he told me that it was the first L stop he'd ever been on when he was 7, and he kissed my hand and said it was a pleasure to meet me :)

March 21, 2:30am

Tonight's conversation was with the bus driver - totally awesome because she was neither high nor drunk (thank god)

The driver was a 30 year old woman, working to get her BA in psychology, recently having switched from Business Management. She's been driving buses for 10 years, but wants to switch to a different field. Her 15 year old son inspired her not to drop her accounting class last year.

She said she's seen it all, from discovering the body of a missing 17-year-old boy in Lincoln park, to a guy who got on with a trench coat, who, having sat down, opened the coat. She said that the passengers were complaining: "driver, driver! he's not wearing anything" and she could only laugh and tell him he had to cover up.

The best quote was "I'm tried of dead bodies, getting cussed at, getting hit on."